Comfort
by Slayergirl
Summary: Set during The Horse and His Boy. An unexpected visit comforts Susan after her adventure in Tashbaan. Bookverse, canon  unless you want to read it another way . One-shot.


**A/N: Perhaps a little unusually for me, this is pretty much canon bookverse - a little missing scene set during The Horse and His Boy.**

Comfort

Queen Susan the Gentle rested her forehead against the cool marble pillar of her private balcony. _Why was I so rash, so foolish? Why did I believe his words to me? _She sighed, drawing her favourite wrap around her shoulders, and thought of her siblings; Peter in the north of the country, battling the giants, and Lucy and Edmund riding to King Lune's aid in Anvard, to join in the battle against the Calormene army, her one-time favourite at its head. She had tentatively suggested riding with the army; her bow and arrows and deadly aim would have had much use. But Edmund had given her an understanding look, and had shaken his head. "No, sister," he had said. "I know you dislike war, and prefer not to ride to battle. In any case, what if you were to be captured by the Calormenes on the field of battle? All our subterfuge to escape from Calormen would have been in vain."

"But what of Lucy?" she had asked. "If Lucy be captured in my stead…" _I would never forgive myself for my stupidity._

But Lucy had laughed. "It is not I that Rabadash wants, dearest sister, but Queen Susan the Gentle! Besides which, I will endeavour not to be captured, and will fight in the rearguard if necessary, and give aid to the wounded of our army where I may. You know I must go. And I have my own personal guard with me at all times."

"But Lucy…"

Edmund had shaken his head. "Susan, we need Lucy with us, and we need a ruler here at Cair Paravel. You know this to be true."

And so they had set out, leaving her behind. In truth, she was, in many ways, grateful, for she found war distasteful and unsettling, and preferred to avoid it wherever possible, despite her proficiency with bow and arrow. That had been two days ago, and she waited anxiously for news. Windwing the falcon should be arriving soon, and would know to come here to look for her, but until such time as he arrived, she waited restively, unable to ignore the nagging worries in her mind.

"Peace, dear heart."

She shot out of her seat, and curtsied to the lion. "Aslan!"

He sat beside her on the balcony, gazing out over the sea. "Time out of mind, Calormene greed has been a threat to this land…"

"I should have known not to trust him," began Susan, but the great lion stopped her.

"Nay, Susan. You cannot doubt people because they are a race apart. Perhaps I, too, hoped that this might forge an alliance between the countries that would unite them and protect Narnia's interests; but that is not to be." He turned his amber gaze on her. "It troubles me to see you thus hurt. We do not choose who we love, Susan, and we do not always love wisely." There was an abrupt shake of his mane. "Many said I was unwise in my love for your younger brother, for his betrayal. But still I loved him, as did you, and Lucy and Peter, for it made him no less your brother. So do not grieve for loving someone unwisely; you could not have known his heart."

"But was I really in love?" she asked timidly.

The lion held her gaze unblinkingly. "You must find that out for yourself, Susan. There will be others who will capture your heart, some more than others, and you must judge for yourself in the years to come whether your love for him was more or less than your love for others will be. Love is real, wherever it is found, and you did love; but perhaps not enough…" He gazed again to the sea. "Do not blame yourself for this, Susan. You had no reason to doubt Rabadash, for simply being a Calormene should not be enough to make you doubt a person; and there are men and women in Calormen who are honest and good and caring. But equally, it is wise, perhaps, not to trust unthinkingly in the goodness of others, as your brother found out when he saw Jadis for what she was."

Susan bowed her head. "I was flattered by him," she confessed.

There was a hint of a smile in Aslan's voice as he replied, "it is nothing to be ashamed of, dear heart. Had you listened to his protestations and dismissed them, you would have been heartless indeed; had you accepted them as simple truths you would have been vain and foolish. To be flattered by such an interest in you is not a bad thing, so long as you do not allow yourself to be too much swayed by it; but I think your good sense will prevent that, and your doubts have saved more, probably, than simply your honour. To be loved and admired can be one of life's greatest sweetnesses, and it is not wrong to feel this. But give your heart only to one who is worthy of it, Susan; you do not realise what beauty you have, and many will desire it, some with better intentions than others. Have a care of yourself, dear heart, and do not trust too much in the goodness of others to be men such as your brothers are, willing to protect you. Not all are such men."

"Was I wrong to trust Rabadash?" she asked.

"Did you trust him? Did your heart tell you that you could spend the rest of your life with him?"

She considered for a moment. "I… I think… here in Narnia, he seemed to be someone I could marry. But when we went to Calormen, he… seemed to change," she said slowly. "At first, I wondered at my hesitation. I had intended to marry him, if he asked. And yet…" she trailed off.

"And yet…?" he prompted.

"Something seemed wrong," she admitted, "quite early on, when we got there. He was not as attentive, not as courteous, as he had been here in Narnia. And I realised… at least, I thought, perhaps I had been mistaken in him; that he had seemed to be someone other than who he really was, that he was perhaps not so interested in me as in my crown, or…" she bit her lip. "He did not care for me in… in the way I wished to be cared for." Tears fell; it was the first time she had spoken those unwelcome thoughts: _I loved him more than he loved me. He wanted me, maybe, but he didn't love me. Not like I loved him._

Aslan remained silent for a long while. "That is true," he said softly. "And in that, he was unworthy of you. Weep a little; it will not harm you."

She stopped trying to brush the tears away, and instead buried her face in Aslan's mane, her arms around his neck, crying tears that nobody else would ever know about. Warmth and strength flooded through her, and she breathed in the rich perfume that surrounded him, as magically healing as Lucy's cordial. She sat back, a little ashamed of herself, and he breathed on her. "I'm sorry, Aslan."

He licked her forehead gently. "Nay, dear heart, be not sorry for shedding tears; tears are not evil, and they have eased your mind and cleansed your heart." He looked tenderly at her. "You are feeling stronger, now?"

She nodded, smiling. "Yes, Aslan; and thank you."

There was a gladness in his wise eyes, as he stood up. "Here is Windwing, unless I am much mistaken, with news of your brother and sister, who I go now to join. Keep faith, dear heart; you will find a greater love one day." And with that, he was gone; but his words echoed in Susan's heart for many years to come.


End file.
